The culture of life. You know, I barely survived high school. It was brutal in a lot of ways. I had lots of friends, my family was good I suppose, and I didn't lack for anything. But inside, I couldn't bare the fact that I was something so hideous in the eyes of God, family and my best friends. See, I heard my friends talk about Fagg@ts. I heard the church talk about damnation and I couldn't understand why God had made me to be something so hideous. I couldn't change. No matter how hard I prayed, I couldn't change. I asked God to make me straight or kill me. He choose neither I suppose. As a teenager, I was terrified. Someone would find out. Someone would learn who and what I was and everything would be over. I was terrified on a daily basis. I covered up. I talked the game. I dated women and played the I love you too much to F@ck you card. Inside, I knew I was a lie.
��� I heard those words and I hid. I drank. I used every drug imaginable. Quite frankly, I think the dope saved my life cause it stopped me from feeling all the shame of who and what I was. I remember my freshman year of college. My good friend went to New York for college. She called me up one night talking about how unhappy she was and how miserable life was. I didn't get it at the time. I didn't catch the code words. The mannerisms. The secret behind her eyes. She jumped from a skyscraper. She never told me she was gay. I just know. You know these things. I miss her and regret that I didn't have the courage to share my secret with her. She was so beautiful. She was 18.
��� I write this because I feel like its a way of letting people know. It was never a choice. we are scared, and as children are completely defenseless to the shame and guilt this assault in the name of morality places upon us. we are not degenerates. We are not aberrations in the eyes of God. We are exactly as God made us. But I'm an adult. I can understand this now after surviving, yes surviving, this assault. Kids are dying because they choose to take their lives rather than come to grips with who they truly are. Being gay in this world can be hard. Being a gay teenager can be, well beyond description. It's hard enough for them. Just consider the message that you put out in front of your children and society as a whole. Are your words killing people. Are your words killing kids. I'm not expecting to change peoples views on the subject of gay rights this, or God that. I am however asking each who reads this to consider the impact of their views on children who don't have a say in the matter. They can't be saved from being gay. They can't be converted. They can, however, be loved , tolerated, and accepted for who they are just as I would hope�you are by those matter most to you.
